this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
