she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
