Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
