hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
