Define "chronic" masturbator.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
