Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
