I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
