your room smells of hookers.
And success
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found puke in my bra..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
