Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
