I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
