Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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