you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
