why didn't you poke me back
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
