What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
