only you would photoshop your dick
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
