my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
