It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this is an emotional support booty call
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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