The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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