i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
