to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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