i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
