how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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