hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
