arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
