its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
