We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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