Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I bet he comes in French.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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