Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
