The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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