I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
