so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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