She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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