why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
