we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize