Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
