I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
