oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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