It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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