I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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