I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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