I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
