Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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