Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
