I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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