I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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