Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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