Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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