Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
