How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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