We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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