Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
