What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
