awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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