My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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