dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
