haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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