So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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