I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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