She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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