I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
