After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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