Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
