Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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