he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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