I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
